Before having sex with a new partner, you should talk about STIs. You might tell yourself that skipping this talk is fine. But we live in the real world, where that’s not always the case. So what gives? Who wants to hear about your last STI test or how your ex gave you chlamydia five years ago? Can’t you just assume that if this person had something to say about it, they would? Your last test for STIs came back clean. You have condoms. Everything should be fine, right? We know how tempting it is to ignore this whole thing.
Here’s Why You Need To Have The Talk
Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a sex and relationship therapist in New York, tells SELF, “Ultimately, this conversation is about sexual health, but there’s a cultural bias that makes it feel like you’re accusing someone if you talk about STIs.” “There are still many negative attitudes.”
The most important thing to remember is that asking someone about STIs does not mean you think they are promiscuous or lying. Anyone can get an STD, and many of them have no symptoms at all. If you say, “Oh, he’d tell me if he had an STI,” you’re assuming they just got tested, which you may not have discussed yet. Also, saying, “I’m sure she doesn’t have an STI,” is probably not true since you can’t tell if someone has an STI without testing them.
There are a lot of different reasons why the rates of many STDs are going up. And while some STIs, like chlamydia and gonorrhea, can be cured with medicine, others, like herpes and HIV, can’t be cured. So, yes, you need to talk with this person, even if you’ve already had sex with them.
Even STIs that can’t be cured are often treatable, and people with these conditions can still live full, happy, and sex-filled lives. Even so, getting an STI doesn’t have to ruin your life. But it’s usually easier to avoid STIs, especially those spread through bodily fluids than to deal with them after they happen. That’s why it’s so important to talk about STIs with your sexual partner (or partners).
RELATED: Signs You May Have an STD (and Not Know It)
Here’s How To Bring It Up
How you talk about STIs depends a lot on how your relationship is going. Of course, there’s no hard and fast rule for how to do this. Even with all the help in the world, it might still be a little awkward. But here are some ideas that might be useful.
If It’s At The Moment Before Sex With A New Person
The moment right before might seem like impossible timing, but even so, you should still ask. How they answer this question can tell you a lot about them. But unless you know for sure that your partner just got tested and hasn’t had sex with anyone else since then, you should assume they have an STI and have the safest sex possible. So, you might need to use a condom, a dental dam, or both. (Remember that these barrier methods don’t protect against all STIs, since some, like herpes and HPV, can be spread through skin-to-skin contact.)
You can ask your partner if they have any of these barrier methods or pull one out yourself. Fleming suggests saying something like, “Since we haven’t been tested together, we definitely need to use a [barrier method].”
This is also a great way to set the stage if you want to have more sex with this person. “The idea is that you will be tested at some point,” Fleming says.
If You’ve Been Seeing Someone And Want To Get Tested Before Having Sex
Tosin Goje, M.D., an OB/GYN at the Cleveland Clinic, says that she often sees women who want to be checked out before having sex with a new partner. Dr. Goje tells SELF that you should also talk to your partner and have them checked out.
Even though it’s great that you brought this up, it might be best to do so when neither of you is
Discovered on: 2023-05-03 16:52:23
Source: It Doesn’t Have To Be Weird: How To Talk To Your Partner About Getting Test…
